“Judgment Time” is a periodic feature that I will now do every once in a while on this site. In it, I will look at an upcoming heavily hyped film and discuss (using the advertising material, production news stories, and other sources) whether the movie should be seen or skipped in the theaters. This is intended to help those who are considering watching this movie right as it comes out without reading any other review. This is NOT meant to be a review of the film; this is merely a prediction based on what I’ve observed in the past and from the trailers I’ve seen. So without further ado, let’s get to the first movie of this series, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, which is due to come out June 29th.
The Series Up To Now
Let me start by saying that the Michael Bay Transformers series so far has been one of the most despicable film series that I have ever seen. You can read my reviews of those two movies here and here, but I’ll give you quick synopses on what I thought. The first one had some decent moments in it, but lacked many essential elements that could have made it an endearing film. Revenge of the Fallen was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, and those who enjoyed it should off themselves for the sake of our gene pool’s future. There are so many layers of suck in that film, I don’t even think that my detailed review of it covered a quarter of them. Common complaints that I’ve had with both movies include annoying characters, sickening editing, barely recognizable and distinguishable robots, lame jokes that often rely on racist presuppositions, and hackneyed scripts that make for an overall immature story. It goes without saying that I hated both films.
However, that doesn’t mean that I am predestined to hate Dark of the Moon. Actually, I believe that it will be the best film in the series, which isn’t saying a whole lot. Still, I’ve heard a lot of positive press about it. Michael Bay has publicly admitted to the mistakes he made with Revenge of the Fallen and the attempts he made to rectify them in Dark of the Moon. Actors Shia LeBouef and Tyrese Gibson have both gone on record to say that DotM will be the best film in the series. Furthermore, starpower heavyhitters such as Frances McDormand, John Malkovich, and Patrick Dempsey are set to appear in this flick. All of this buzz sounds pretty promising, and yet a lot of it sounds like press release material used to further hype the film. It’s hard to say now without actually seeing the film, but I have a pretty optimistic feeling that DotM will be an improved film. I mean, it could not POSSIBLY be worse than Revenge of the Fallen, right?
The Love Interest
Of course, the biggest news from DotM’s production is that Megan Fox will not be returning to reprise her role as Mikaela, Sam’s love interest. Honestly, I don’t have much of an opinion on this matter. I mean, I didn’t really have a huge problem with Mikaela in the first two movies. Sure, she was obviously there as eye candy, and she did have some dramatic moments that were hilariously bad, but Fox was one of the least offensive aspects in the Transformers series compared to the rest of its terrible crap. It is kind of depressing, though, to see this actress turn her back on those who helped start her career up, just so that she can be featured in a string of bad movies (Jennifer’s Body, Jonah Hex, and Passion Play).
So out with Fox and in with Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, slated to play Sam’s new love interest, Carly. I am frankly a bit worried that Huntington-Whiteley has not had any acting experience, working only as a fashion model up to now. This, coupled with the fact that of every actress considered for the role was a model at some point, is pretty telling as to what Bay wants in a female costar. Also, I wonder how the writers of DotM are going to handle Sam and Mikaela’s apparent breakup, seeing has the relationship had two full movies to develop. Overall, I am not looking forward to this introduction to the new love interest.
The Trailers and Commercials
From what I’ve seen, the advertising material for DotM does not reveal much about the movie and its story. From what I’ve gathered from the trailers, history is reinterpreted as it is revealed that the legendary American mission to the Moon in 1969 was actually a mission to investigate a wrecked Autobot spacecraft on the Moon’s surface. This idea sets off a number of red flags for me, but I will spare you from them for now. Anyway, the realization of this in the present day leads a climatic progression in the war between the Autobots and the Decepticons, which once again involves Sam Witwicky and the other familiar characters.
The latest trailer especially seemed to have made a grand impression on a lot of people, and I can see why. The tone in the trailer is much darker and more foreboding than anything we’re used to in the past two films. We see much larger scale attacks on cities, including spacecraft that bomb through the business district and a snake-like Decepticon that constricts an entire office building. It all looks pretty promising, but the trailer mostly appears to be comprised of third-act material. It is easy make a two-and-a-half minute trailer look good when you only use the most exciting clips of the film. Still, compared to the trailers of the previous films, DotM looks like a much more serious and mature story.
Michael Bay and His Changes
So Michael Bay has released a number of statements claiming that he now recognizes how bad Revenge of the Fallen was and how things are going to be different with Dark of the Moon. He blamed much of the failure of RotF on the big writer’s strike of that year and claims that the story is much more polished this time around. Furthermore, Robert Orci and Alex Kurtzman, two of the writers of the last two movies, are apparently not involved with DotM (even though there are rumors that they contributed to the script in some way). Hey, I’m all for changing the writing staff after the terrible script of RotF, but it isn’t that comforting to realize that Ehren Kruger is now the head writer for DotM. For those who don’t know, Kruger is the “genius” behind such films as Scream 3 and 4, Blood and Chocolate, and my personal favorite whipping boy, Reindeer Games. Needless to say, I’m not at all confident in the written story.
Another big change in DotM is that most of it was shot in 3D. Great. I’m sure that I am not the first one to say this, but the 3D fad has now passed. Judging from the most recent 3D film sales, no one is really excited to see movies in 3D anymore. They double the price tag of a normal movie ticket, they give some people headaches and eye strains, and the silly required glasses needed to view the effects darken the whole screen. But it’s movies like DotM that keep extending the life of this fad, making it hard to see this type of film in 2D. And by the way, do not even get me started on the re-release of the entire Star Wars series in theaters in 3D. Jar Jar Binks will fly right at my face only in my darkest nightmares (shudder).
Speaking about horrible characters that represent horrendous racial stereotypes, let’s talk about the much beloved comedy duo of the series, Skids and Mudflap. Apparently, according to Michael Bay, they are NOT going to appear in DotM, even though Skids (yes, I can tell which one is which) is clearly seen in the latest trailer, and Bay had previously defended both of them in past interviews. Bay is even offering a ridiculous “$25,000 Challenge”, in which he will give anyone a large sum of money if they happen to find Skids and Mudflap anywhere in the movie. Honestly, I don’t care if they are in DotM or not; the damage has already been done. Plus, it sounds like they are going to be replaced by some other robots that are “street smart”, which is a euphemistic buzzword for “gangsta-stereotype”. I expect no less than the same racial sensitivity seen in the past Transformers films.
So all in all, Bay is promising a much different Transformers movie then we’ve seen before. The thing is, though, the trailer reveals a lot of the same elements that have dogged the series from the beginning. The lens flares, the multitude of nameless grey robots, the mindless, glorified violence against them, John Turturro as Agent Simmons, and of course, Shia the rabid squirrel-monkey. Ken Jeong is going to have a role in DotM, and I know that it is going to be the same over-the-top, unfunny comedic cameo that have been performed by Bernie Mac and Rainn Wilson in the past movies. Bay better not be lying through his teeth by differentiating DotM from the other Transformers films and then having it end up just like the others.
The Early Review
On May 14th, Capone from Ain’t It Cool News’ website published a review of a test screening for DotM (you can view it here). The review is very positive, praising the darker imagery of the city attacks and actually calling the script “clever”. He ends the review by saying “I’m genuinely surprised what a strong effort this film is, not just in terms of its scope, but also in its pacing, performances, and ideas.”
I’ll let you read the review and judge for yourselves, but let me put in my two cents. To me, the review feels a little too personal, in that much of the praise the reviewer gives strictly comes from his own personal experiences. For example, he found the Chicago scenes to be very moving because he lives in Chicago. That’s good for him, but what about the rest of us who don’t live in Chicago? Are we going to be as emotionally invested in the city as he is? I mean, it’s not like the robots haven’t destroyed cities before; that’s not really what we, potential audience members, are concerned about.
Speaking of which, Capone also doesn’t really answer to some of the major complaints that popped up in the past films. Like, is the comic relief going to be as pervasive as before? Will we actually care about the old characters, or are they still going to be as annoying as ever? How about the new characters, which seem to be a lot this time around? How about the editing? Is the story going to have huge plot holes as the previous films? Is the racist humor cut out of this film? He seems to just glance over these problems and solely talk about the cool action shots. It could be because he doesn’t want to spoil the story, which I respect, but I’m very suspicious that this review is serving as a promotion tool for the film.
The Verdict: Skip It
There is no doubt in my mind that Dark of the Moon is going to be the best Michael Bay Transformers movie, but I still don’t think that it will be worth watching. As far as I can see, DotM is going to be as shallow and as loud as ever before, and of course, Michael Bay will always be Michael Bay. I really hope that I am wrong, though. I want people to enjoy the movies that they see in theaters. If you hear any good reviews of the film after its launch, please listen to them before you heed my advice. I’ll even try to do a review of the movie (easier said than done, since I am so very poor). However, before the reviews arrive, please do not go rush out to see Dark of the Moon. It’s not like you are hurting the film studio’s feelings; they’re too busy rolling in the money they conned people out of with Revenge of the Fallen. If it’s June 29th and you absolutely have to watch a movie in a theater, make it X-Men: The First Class instead. I heard nothing but good things about it.
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